Still Stunting

By Lexi Gergel

The fear of failure is greater than any other. 

And the thought of not being successful is terrifying. 

Overcoming both of these facts, that’s the journey of sports…

Back in third grade, I decided that I wanted to be a cheerleader. At the time, it was a fun after-school activity. I enjoyed cheering for the little recreation football teams. 

Once I turned 10, my grandparents took me to a Penn State basketball game. While I did not really have any interest in the game, I could not take my eyes off the cheerleaders. The most vivid memory in my mind from that day was when I looked up to my grandparents and said, “I want to be like them one day.”

From that day on, I began my cheerleading journey. 

At age 13, I realized that in order to live the life I have always imagined, I had to take a major step in my career. In 8th grade, my parents gave me the option to begin competitive cheerleading. 

Knowing that this would benefit my future, I was super excited to take on a new adventure. 

During my first season, I started to learn the basics of cheerleading. I did not grow too much as an athlete, but I was learning. Once the second season team placements came out, I was disappointed because I did not move up from level 2. 

This lit a fire under me.

I began practicing every single day, determined to be better. 

Through many ankle sprains and concussions, I was working on level 4 skills. While I loved cheering, it was mentally draining. I was fighting a battle against my own body trying to fit “the cheerleader look.”

I was overworking my body to an extreme in hopes of losing weight and having washboard abs to be a part of the standard. This season, I was looking forward to team placements. The anticipation of waiting a week to find out what level I would be placed on was killing me. 

In a matter of seconds, I could tell my progress paid off once I found out I was placed on a level 4 team for the following season. But at the same time, I knew I had to work harder. I kept pushing myself toward the next level each and every day. 

I began another mental battle as I was told that I was not good enough to ever be on the highest level. I wanted to give up, I didn’t want to keep going with all of the hate thrown at me but I realized that those quitting on me could not see the best in me. 

As my junior season rolled around, I realized that I had maxed out my learning abilities at my current cheer gym.

An opportunity came to me weeks later when I was offered a spot on a level 6, World Championship level team. 

This was something huge, but having to start a new journey with new people was a big change. I took a leap of faith, and less than a week later, I was practicing with athletes on a whole new level.

Being with these athletes made me work even harder, earning me multiple national champion titles. Working in an environment like this brought back my love for the sport and helped me to heal with what I had been through. 

On the flip side, I also began to see more athletes who fit the “cheerleader look.” Realizing that I didn’t look like them caused me to fall into a trap with food. 

I started eating a very strict diet which consisted of one piece of grilled chicken, a clementine, baby carrots, almonds, and for a treat, grapes. If I was still hungry, I would eat brown rice. I continued eating this exact diet for months and lost so much weight that my skills were falling behind. 

I began to lose myself again. 

I was working out at least twice a day outside of practice to help tone my body, almost dragging myself through each workout. Allowing myself to eat once a day was something I forced on myself until I lost too much weight that I was weak. Somehow, I understood that my body would not function at the level I needed it to if I kept eating like this. 

I began to eat a healthy, balanced diet to build more strength back up. 

At the end of the season, I decided that I was going to try out at Top Gun All-Stars, one of the best gyms in the country. When I got placed on their new level 6 team, I packed up my whole life in Pennsylvania and moved to Florida. 

The first three months were such an amazing experience. On August 11, 2020, I had one wrong landing from a tumbling pass that ended my season. At the time, I thought that I had just tweaked something in my knee. Knowing the amount of pressure there is in this sport at such a prestigious gym, I decided it was best to move back home. 

Two weeks later, I chose to do a private lesson back at my old gym. While I was still having knee problems, I knew I had to try to push myself again. About thirty minutes in, I heard a huge snap, fell to the floor, and every dream I ever had sunk out of my body and into the floor. 

I absolutely dreaded the thought of going to a doctor to see what was really wrong, but I had no choice.

When I heard that I tore my ACL, sprained both menisci, injured multiple other ligaments, and bruised the bone, my heart shattered into a million pieces. 

I proceeded to have surgery in hopes of being back on the mat one day. After the procedure, the doctor informed me that the amount of damage had put me out of cheerleading for at least 9 months, no exceptions. As determined as I was to prove him wrong, I was also convincing myself to give up. 

The thought of starting back at the very beginning was too much to think about. My desire to return outweighed the thoughts of quitting and I was back in physical therapy two days after surgery. 12 weeks later, I had a follow-up appointment that changed my entire mindset. My surgeon informed me that 2% of people that went through this surgical procedure had returned to their sport after four months of rehab. 

This triggered something in my mind to push as hard as I could to beat the odds. I started going to physical therapy 3 days a week, working with a trainer twice a week, and going to the gym on my own 4 days a week. Nothing was stopping me from returning to cheerleading this early. 

About 6 weeks later, I was back in a cheer gym, absolutely terrified of what stood in front of me. All I could think about was the sound of my life being taken away as I hit the floor. Through some tears, I began stunting again. 

While I was doing the bare minimum of cheer, it had never felt so good to be back but I was not satisfied with myself. Seeing that I had to work harder to be back where I was before, I spent the next month in Florida, practically living at Top Gun. 

During the season, I had received about 21 recruiting offers for the following season, my freshman year of college. Being recruited to schools such as Penn State, University of Minnesota, University of Delaware, and Purdue University was insane to me. The thought of being wanted by so many coaches and programs was motivating enough for me to be ready for the next season. 

As I kept pushing, I realized that the amount of pain I was dealing with was not worth it for one year. Trying to come up with a responsible decision broke my heart.

Again, I saw that I needed to take a year to recover. Declining such amazing offers was difficult, but it was best for my health. 

Once the decision was made to use this year as a progress year, I chose to go to the University of Central Florida. 

I took this as an opportunity to work harder. While I have this year to allow my body to fully recover, it is also giving me time to recover mentally from what cheerleading has put me through.

I love this sport with all my heart, but it has been a mental battle from the beginning. From being told that I was not good enough, to being too heavy and needing to lose weight, to mental blocks, cheer has put me through more than I can describe.

I dealt with eating disorders, loads of hate, countless injuries, and the feeling of being worn out from the age of 13. Returning to something that broke me down is a challenge, but a worthy challenge. 

All of the negativity made me feel a desire to quit so many times, but I knew it was not an option. Even though all of the pain these past 10 months, I know my story doesn’t end here. 

The opportunity for growth in all aspects is greater than it has ever been. I will not let the physical and mental pain break me for good. Dreams do not come from giving up.

The fear of failure and not being successful I’ve learned is quite a detrimental illusion in cheerleading and sports in their entirety. Your appearance, your performance, your style, your shape… all distractions to keep you from seeing what really matters which is just being you. 

I hope athletes won’t have to go through the highs and lows of their sports to see this realization. 

In return, I wish we all as people can eventually just celebrate and acknowledge athletes for their great achievement that is simply showing up each and every day and giving it their all regardless of the outcome.